"Rather Waste sometime With you"

I met them. The Used. I MET THEM. I was so scared. I had thought about it for days. I gave them a notebook of some of my Fanart.

I stood in line with Gianni, Patrick, and Sean. I was shaking, my lungs felt tight, my knees wobbily. I got to them, and handed them the binder. I started to tell them to look at it later, but the second it was out of my hands, Bert flipped it open and began to look at it. They thought I was great. The Used thought I was great. My heroes. It was mind boggling. They said I was awesome, and would only keep getting better. I was speaking to them about it, my entire body shaking, my voice tight and weak, and it was Dan who looked shocked, and asked, "Are you Sure you want to Give this to us?" and I was even more shocked. They thought that I was that good? And Quinn, he was so kind to me. He thanked me, he seemed to truly appreciate it, and asked if he could hug me. Not in that dorky-ass way girls do, where they get all squealy and say, "Can I Hugz You!?" But in the way that he was checking my comfort level. And I let him. On top of this, he told me to turn around, and under his signature on my shirt, he wrote me, "Thanks for the Art."

There was a limit of two things we could havge signed. I brought three things though, so Patrick took one to get signed for me.

So as I left the Used, I shakily stumbled to my friends, and Patrick handed me my cd. I took it, starring down at the Signatures with my shaking hands, then threw my arms around his neck. I don't think anyone will ever understand how much that meant to me.

It was all I could do to keep from bursting into sobs.

And I still struggle to think about this without getting choked up... but I feel upset over it, and I don't know why. As I typed this, I'm getting chills like you do when you have a fever, and I don't know why. I remember their expressions and conversation, their reactions to some of the pictures, and I almost broke into tears in driver's ed today. Between them and Patrick, I feel so bizarre about it all. (although both things make me choked up) And i"m not quite sure why I do. The last couple of days, since then, I've kind of felt empty though.

So I don't understand. Firstly, do I get choked up over this because I'm happy or sad? I tried to convince myself it was because I was happy, but I don't feel that when I think about it. Along with this, why does this make me sad? I've got a couple of ideas, but none that I feel I want to say is the reason yet.

This was a night that I will Never, Ever Forget.

I never get time online anymore. I've been on maybe a total of 45 minutes in the last two weeks. I'm so sorry you guys, I owe you all a huge apology. I wish I could hang with you guys more, I miss the times when I was on more... bad.

So, I went to the doctor a few days ago. I've been doing better lately than I have in YEARS. He's amazed at how well I'm doing. I'm going to school almost everyday now (I miss one day ever two or three weeks), I'm more lively, I'm healthier, Prettier, Happier...

And Now He Thinks Something Else Could Be Wrong With Me?

All my hard work to keep myself healthy, to get better is thrown in my face with the possibility of another problem. To what I understand, chances are slim, but none the less.

All these tests. I don't care if they're easy and painless, that's something people don't seem to understand.
I might have to have a test run soon. They tried to do a CT scan of my intestines a few months ago, but I vomitted the contrast back up. So now they want to run a tube down my nose into my stomach to run the contrast into my stomach with. They will numb me. Easy Procedure, right? I've had worse. Other's have had much worse.

There are Diseases and Problems Worse Than Crohn's disease, I know.



But is it So Wrong for Me to Find so much of this Fucking Scary?


A lot of people seem to think so.

One of my favorite child hood neopets has been stuck on an account that I forgot the pin to. I've desperately wanted him on a more main account, but I couldn't pound/transfer him because I didn't know the pin.

Well Guess What? I found away around that.

I got on a side account, and offered a pet from that account for him, when I got back onto the account with the lost pin, it said I didn't need my pin in order to accept the transaction. I. AM. SO. HAPPY!

I've had such a shitty day, this really amkes me happy. I burst into tears in the middle of class, I've just had so much happen, so I CANNOT BELIEVE something this great has happened. Next month, he will be transferred to my main account I do believe. This is so cool, I'm so happy ;-;

I have had a really crappy Holiday Break. I usually do, but for some reason I feel like "This Year's GOnna be different!"

I think this year was my problem is that I'm trying to make everyone happy. I'm trying to spend more time with my family, and bring everyone together. I want to please others more than I want to make sure I enjoy myself. I wrapped so many presents because my Mum never does. I have tried to spend a lot of time with everyone. The other night I sobbed my eyes out off and on hour an hour because I was upset about not knowing which house to stay at that night. I work really hard to bring everyone together, but it really has just been a reminder on how much I don't fit into the family. We're all kinda miss-matched, but especially myself.

My Christmas day was good, but the rest of the day kinda seemed to just drone on. We took turns opening gifts one at a time. My favorite present is a Plushie of Brittany from Alvin and the Chipmunks 2, from Selina. (My Dad's Girlfriend's Daughter)

This is the First Christmas I've ever had without Grandy.

My room flooded on Christmas. But I took a deep breath and thought: "My Family is Safe. Ihave a Bunch of Wonderful Gifts. Nothing is Ruined Yet." And I was okay. I got everything up out of the floor and nothing was damaged.

How has everyone else's Christmas Breaks been?